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Funny and Weird Golf Stories (2)

NAKED WOMAN ON THE GOLF COURSE

A very avid golfer was lined up and ready on the 17th tee when out of the woods came a naked girl who ran past him and into the woods on the other side of the tee.

Being the avid golfer he was, he once again beared down on the ball and right in the middle of his backswing a guy in a white coat ran out of the woods and asked him if a naked lady ran past.

Our golfer said, "Yes, she ran into the woods".

The guy in the white coat said thanks and ran after her.

Our golfer again prepared to hit the ball when all of a sudden another man in a white coat came out of the woods carrying a 5 gallon bucket of sand and asked if he had seen a man in a white coat come through her chasing a naked lady.

He said yes, they ran that way through the woods.

The man said thanks and started to run off when the golfer stopped him and asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

The guy explained, "You see, we work at a sanitarium nearby. Every now and then that girl gets away and, all she wants to do is get naked and make love."

The golfer then asked, "Well, what's the bucket of sand for???"

The guy in the white coat said, "Oh, that's my handicap. You see, I caught her the last time!!"

From: Poddys.Com




GIVING UP SEX

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.

The golfer says to himself: "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers: "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt, says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself: "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." and he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." and makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer.

"My name's Father O'Malley."

From: Poddys.Com




LEPRECHAUN

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.

"Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him.

I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole.

He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball.

When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time." "I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."

From: Poddys.Com




SWEARING

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no. says the nun. You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws", it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sandtrap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f---ing putt, didn't you?"

From: Poddys.Com




MOSES AND JESUS PLAYING GOLF

Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree.

From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.

Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.

As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad."

From: Poddys.Com





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Golf Humor

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